The days before I have time off from work I get all carpe diem and have this really positive outlook of intense productivity and achieving dreams and stuff. I’ll set out schedules for myself that usually go something like:
- Wake up before noon
- Do the dishes
- Sweep the floors
- Play guitar
- Write standup
- Write an article
Realistically of those I usually do numbers 1, 7, and 8. Now of course I don’t clean the apartment every day so I won’t give myself too much shit for that, but I will give plenty for the way the schedule really ends up working. It typically goes more like:
- Wake up before noon but don’t get out of bed ‘til about 12:30
- Still internet
- Trudge to the kitchen and eat terrible things
- Back to internet
- Drink (but the guilty kind, not the I won the day kind)!
- Sleep (defeatedly)!
It’s a vicious cycle that I’d love to be rid of; because I’d be way more productive and likely more fulfilled and happy and I’d have goals and motivation or whatever. I could start exercising more than like 20 minutes a couple days of the week again. It’s even getting warmer to accomodate my eventual goals.
But there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to get rid of it. Not even because of the whole probable psychological underlying aspect that wants to procrastinate to avoid rejection or failure, that’s a whole other animal. This part of me doesn’t want to shed away this cycle because I love sleeping and the internet. Like holy shit, so much.
I have to make some sort of compromise, like one day I can be lazy and Netflix all the old Cartoon Network stuff that just showed up while looking at pictures of other people’s pets being silly, but the next day I have to be really awesome. Do pushups and tell a girl she’s a real looker and flirt with publications to accept articles.
And like, get abs or something. Yeah. Abs.